"It's been a bad day You've been looking back And all you can see is everything you wish you could take back All your mistakes A world of regrets All of those moments you would rather forget I know it's hard to believe let me refresh your memory Yesterday is history And history is miles away So leave it all behind you But let it always remind you of the day The day that love made history" (Mathew West, History)
I don't know why some ssa people are born into non religious or atheist families and raised so acting on their natural attractions requires little sacrifice and little back-turning (I mean giving up cultural norms is no big deal right?) :P
Others are born here, into this apparent truth, given a strict path to celestial glory so that for them to engage in homosexual relationships is stepping away from their hearts, souls, G-d, and truths, right? I don't know. I just don't know anymore.
So much of me holds on to my testimony of the Savior, which pulls me to the Priesthood under whose blessing I received my testimony of Christ, to the Book of Mormon and the strength and peace I've found reading it. Can I turn my back on this? Do I have to?
I KNOW not to judge and I know that everyone has their own path and testimony. I will NEVER assess, hate, condemn, or think less of those (LDS or not) who choose other lifestyles; drinking, gambling, drugs, promiscuity. But can I believe that among all of G-d's commandments there is one that is a mistake, one commandment that will somehow change with future revelation?
Christ loves endlessly and I will too (although I do struggle to embrace those closed minded, terrified, bigots). Love. Don't measure the worthiness of others. That is easy. But do I believe in the Church? I can't go in for a Temple recommend if I don't support the Church leaders. If I believe in the Gospel I can't turn my back on one apparently eternal law just because it doesn't make sense and it isn't just. I can't sit on the fence. I can't say that despite everything this one piece of the Gospel is going to change. That there are loop holes in the Family Proclamation. That despite thousands of years of G-d's words He will change what He has said about homosexual activity.
G-d made people gay. It is not a choice. It is not bad, wrong, or imperfect. But His whole Gospel is built on sacrifices- is this just one more monstrous sacrifice He expects from His children? I don't know what will happen after this world. Often I don't even think there's anything else, sometimes I hope there is nothing else.
If there is something more, if this is true, I will not go to a Heaven that rejects those who have had sex with someone of the same gender, I won't live with a G-d like that. But is it just repentance and restoration for sin, not disqualification? I have to figure out if I can accept homosexual action as a sin. This doesn't mean I will be against Prop 8 or denouncing gay relationships, I'm not for reinstating Prohibition and I don't think less of my friends who drink, but if I can't believe it is a sin can I believe in the Gospel? How can I reject one commandment, one piece of G-d's plan?
There isn't a middle ground. Love and acceptance are on both sides, but G-d and Christ as I've believed in them, their church, and their Temples, are only on one side. If the Gospel is true, then we have to follow His path as far as it has been revealed. There are always upside-downs, falls, sins, mistakes, disobedience, that is why we have the Atonement, but there is also right, truth, goals to be striven for. I'm not saying there is only one happiness, one choice, but if the Church is true there is one path, one truth, one goal, and one set of rules to get there.
But I don't know if I want that to be true. It means pain for all of us because we sin and it means repentance and suffering now or in the next life. It means that it is hard and unfair here. It means that nothing makes sense because there is no equality and no justice now.
So do we give up everything for some uncertain future? Do I ignore the faint pulsing of my testimony in Christ because it is easier and because it means an end to pain and injustice? Is religion an eternal truth or is it the 4,000 year old result of an advanced species creating rules, boundaries, and order out of chaos?
"There is no guilt here There is no shame No pointing fingers There is no blame What happened yesterday has disappeared The dirt has washed away And now it's clear There's only grace There's only love There's only mercy And believe me it's enough Your sins are gone Without a trace There's nothing left now There's only grace" (Mathew West, Only Grace)
2 comments:
among all of G-d's commandments there is one that is a mistake, one commandment that will somehow change with future revelation?...
If the command re: homosexual relations ever changes, it will not be alone in having done so. There have been countless changes over the millennia in what the members of the church are expected to do.
From Adam until Christ's Atonement we offered blood sacrifices (by commandment).
Presumably, from Adam's time until Moses came down from Sinai it was permissible to eat pork and shellfish. Then it wasn't. Then it was again.
The ancient patriarchs were commanded to take multiple wives. The Nephites were commanded not to. The early Latter-day Saints were commanded to. Modern Saints are commanded not to.
Do all of these examples mean that God is capricious and fickle? Of course not. Some changes are commanded by Him based on the needs and receptiveness of His children. Other changes are (in my opinion, anyway) instituted by leaders of the Church--men who believe they are doing good, but who are acting of their own volition and not by inspiration.
But the point remains, if the Church's stance on homosexuality ever changes (more than it has already changed, that is) it won't be the "one" mistake or the "one" change--it will simply be one of many.
...despite thousands of years of G-d's words He will change what He has said about homosexual activity....
The thing is, we don't really have "thousands of years" of God's words. We have a few snippets from a few thousand years ago:
(1) Sodom & Gomorrah (which is very possibly not about homosexuality at all)
(2) Leviticus (part of the Levitical law--much of which has been "done away with" or superseded by the higher law of the Gospel)
(3) The Pauline Epistles (which express several ideas that are clearly not doctrinal but are rather Paul's personal feelings and opinions)
... That's it. There's nothing else in the Bible, and there's nothing in modern scripture, and any Latter-day prophet who has spoken on the subject has cited one of the above three sources as his authority.
It's possible that the prohibitions have indeed been instituted by God and have remained effective for thousands of years (and will continue to do so).
It's possible that the prohibitions were instituted by God (for whatever reason) as part of the Levitical law and are more closely related to the laws intended to keep the Israelites a distinctive and separate people--laws that prohibited them from adopting the customs of the civilizations with which they interacted--and that they are no longer needed.
It's possible that the prohibitions were given with an incomplete (or entirely absent) understanding of homosexuality, and that it is indeed a sin for a heterosexual man to lie with another man, but that it is not sinful for a man who is inherently attracted to other men (a distinction that may not have been understood thousands of years ago) to do so.
It's even possible that all pronouncements against homosexuality reflected nothing more than the personal prejudices of their authors, and that the "thousands of years" or prohibition are nothing more than tradition.
Anyway...
In my opinion, it's entirely possible to believe some of the things that you seem to be wondering about, while still maintaining a testimony of the Church, the priesthood, the Book of Mormon, etc.
Maybe we can talk more about it later. :)
Thanks Scott- I really appreciate your words and I hope we can talk more about it :)
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