I've been hanging myself spiritually and emotionally and it's affected every part of life leaving me unable to accomplish anything. I guess when you're dead in all ways except the physical one you can't complete even the simple tasks. My body exists with nothing to coerce it to achieve.
One of my great friends sent me an email profound in its beauty, simplicity, and truth and I want to share it with everyone else that is struggling out there. He said:
More than anything else though, I testify to you with all the power of knowledge that I have, that your heavenly father loves you. He aches when you ache because he knows everything about your pain. He loves you. And his love is unconditional. Not only because he is perfect and loves everyone, but because you're his child and he sees YOU as perfect. He loves you the way you truly deserve to be loved and he loves you that way BECAUSE you deserve that love.
It's one of the first times I've cried tears of comfort in months and it feels good. The Lord loves all of us because we DESERVE it. Here I sit finding it impossible to love myself enough to do anything more than rot on the couch and sleep, and I am deserving of the greatest love there is. I have blogged about how the Lord loves all of us, and I have struggled to accept that love in my life, but I never realized that He doesn't just love us because we are His, He loves us because WE DESERVE to be loved.
He bestows all His love upon us and I'm rejecting Him. Can I love the Lord while hating myself, His creation? It is easy for me to love other people, to want to help them, to want to do everything for them. Why is it so hard to love myself? How do I even begin to love myself? I guess the first step is to acknowledge that the Lord loves me because I deserve it- and then maybe I'll accept that I deserve my own love.
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