Bless Them That Curse You

I actually went to church today. It was a last minute decision and when I arrived at ten minutes after noon, hoping I hadn't missed the passing of the Sacrament, I realized church started at 1pm- not at 12pm. I sat down in the lobby and started flipping through last December's Ensign and I suddenly understood why I hate coming to church- instead of feeling the Spirit I am flooded with anger at the hypocrisy. I probably should have connected these two things earlier but as I've struggled with depression throughout my life I've always labored to get myself to church. I apparently never recognized that my recent string of absences was caused by something beyond the self-loathing that's kept me from church in the past.

Then an article on forgiveness caught my eye- it was on forgiving those that have hurt you. I know that I have to find a way to let my anger at the Church subside before my own faith is able to grow- if I hate the Church to much to fully believe in Christ and the miracles He can create in my life how am I going to be happy? The author quoted Matthew 5:44, "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you." The next scripture continues, "That ye may be the children of your Father which is in Heaven." Yes, those who do not follow this creed, those that are hating anyone who is different, those who are evil and closed minded, are not being the children of their Father in Heaven, but I'm not being His child either. I have abhorrence for all the Prop 8 supporters, in no less degree than have a detestation of homosexuals. I can preach Christlike love- the love I have for so many- but I am not Christlike. As of now I have no love for the hypocritical, pain causing members of this Church. I need to do better. I need to pray for their pain to decrease, for their eyes to open, and for their hearts to feel love. I need to pray for them to receive Christ's true spirit and for them to obtain an increase in knowledge. I need to sit with them (which means going to church) just as Christ sat with the publicans and sinners.

I'm not there yet and I left church right after the Sacrament was passed- but it's a start.