Frustration

Thoughts from Sacrament Meeting, 3/29

Is living the Gospel part way a cop-out? Do we have many strings that connect us to Heavenly Father, each one a commandment or covenant that we are keeping, and only cutting some of them (breaking some commandments) is better than having no strings?

Are we having our cake and eating it too if we participate in church as much as it fits our lifestyle, as much as we are allowed to according to how we've chosen to live? Is it hypocritical to get as close to the Spirit and to blessings of the Church as possible without giving up the earthly love and happiness of gay marriage? Is this the better way to be- with some strings attached? Should the Church move in this direction, welcoming gay couples to the extent that current revelation allows (which would exclude Temple, Priesthood, and full standing)? Is the next step to evaluate partial membership and have callings and public prayers offered by those who are in gay marriages? I mean, can't investigators offer public prayers? Does the Lord want His children as close as their decisions allow them to be? Would this help children of gay parents grow up with the blessings of the Church and the teachings of Christ? How better can we be examples of He who ate with publicans and sinners than to welcome all those who want to draw close to Him?

Or is our Church too provisional? Heavenly Father's love is not conditional on our actions and on our obedience, our salvation and exaltation may be conditional on these things, but not His love for us. Is it all or nothing? If we believe in the Gospel we are expected to follow all the commandments- even those which involve sacrificing ourselves. But what about those who still believe in Christ and the Church and have chosen, as the Lord lets us, to live temporally and enjoy earthly love and sex with a spouse they are truly aroused by and deeply attracted to. Are they suppose to leave the Church because they are not sacrificing everything? What about the members who marry non-members outside of the Temple and still come to church?

Do you stay active in a church you know is far from perfect because it is the closest to truth we have? Do you trust all the words and teachings that ask us to live by current precepts even if they hurt and don't make sense?

What if our eternal selves are gay and autistic, and whatever they are here, and we just live perfectly with who we are in the next life? Maybe things that challenge us here give us a greater capacity for perfection in the next life because we've learned, struggled, and grown so much on earth. Physical and mental disabilities might not be imperfections, just as being gay isn't a disability, an imperfection, or something that needs fixing. There could be something beyond sex and attraction in the next life. An understanding of the commandments we follow here and a component of the plan that restores what was sacrificed on earth without gays suddenly becoming straight in the next life.